The Judgement of Paris
by Ireallyneedabetterpenname
Summary: The time England started a wine tasting contest between America and France. Rated T just in case.


**Oddly enough, I don't own Hetalia.**

England had a headache. It was 1976, and there was a world meeting in session. As usual, nothing was getting done. They were currently off topic,though, because America's bicentennial was approaching, and the jerk kept talking about it. Then, to add insult to injury, France started mocking him.

" Honhonohon, is angleterre upset?"  
>"Shut up frog, it's none of your business! Go drink that piss you call wine or something… just go away!"<p>

"_Ahem_, every one knows my wine is the best in the world!"

"Oh please, America's wine is probably better than yours."

"I'm the hero, of course I'm better!" Enter America.

" Well then," said England, "Let's have a contest"

" Dude, I love contests!"

"As I was saying,let's have a competition between American and French wines. There will be two categories, one for red wine, and the other for white. After a blind tasting, whoever's wine comes in first will be declared to have the best wine in that category."

"_Ce sera facile pour moi_. When shall it start?"

"Well, how about-"

"ENGLAND,FRANCE,AMERICA! There is a world meeting going on. Finish your conversation later!"  
>" Tell us later Iggy"<p>

"Don't call me Iggy!"

"SHUT UP! Pay attention to Switzerland!"

"If you don't shut up soon I'll shoot you!"

With that the meeting continued.

o0o

After the meeting France and America once again gathered around England.

"Okay eyebrows, when does this thing start?"

"To add to Amériques question, who will be judging?"

" As I was saying before Germany rudely interrupted, how about tonight?"

"Sure thing man! The hero is always ready!"

"As am I, but angleterre, who will be judging?"

" I will, as well as you, America, Spain,Italy, Austria and Switzerland"

"Sounds good to me! Are you ready to lose, Francey-pants?"

"Please, your wine is nothing compared to mine."

Once matters were settled, England went to get the other judges, while the other two got their wines.

o0o

The stage was set. The judges were seated at the tables, awaiting the arrival of the wine samples.

"Is this what you were talking about during the meeting? I should shoot you!"

"Well, at least the wines free…"

"Shut it Austria!"

" You know I'm right."

"Will there be pasta?"

"No, Italy. Go get some afterwards if you want."

"Okay Mister Austria!"

"Are we ready? The wines coming out."

"Hell yea, the hero always wins!"

"Be quiet America."

They started with the white wines. The room was silent for a little while the judges tasted and judged the different wines.

"Is everyone finished? I'll take the scores and tally them."

"You better stay neutral England, or I'll shoot you!"

"Of course, Switzerland."

When England finished the scores though, he was shocked. He rushed back into the judging room to tell the others.

"Gentlemen, America has won the white wine category!"

"What?! Mon Dieu, how can this be? He will not win the red wine category!"

" I agree with France, the BTT never lets its members lose!"

" Dude that's awesome!"

After considerable noise, the room quieted down for the next phase: The red wine category. Once again, silence reigned for a little.

"Are we ready?"

" Yes, angleterre"

But once again, America won.

"WHAT?! Why does God laugh at my misery?!"

"Hahaha! The hero always wins!"

"Well, that was a shocker. I was kidding when I said the bloody wanker had better wine."

"Yay America! Can I get pasta now?"

" Sure thing dude! It's on the house!"

"Thanks America!"

The world conference was a week long thing, so the next day, America told the world about it.

"YES. I WON! THE HERO ALWAYS WINS!"

"England, what is America talking about?" Germany was not too happy about the added noise.

" I CAN ANSWER FOR IGGY! HE HELD A WINE TASTING CONFERENCE BETWEEN FRANCE AND I AND I WON!"

"Unfortunately, the wanker is right."

"Well, that explains why France is sobbing in a corner."

"Yes… yes it does"

And meanwhile, France: "Why? Why to America? Why?!"

**Author's Note: Once again, thanks for reading, and thanks for reviewing.(you will review, right?) Thank my sister for editing, any mistakes made are my own. If you were wondering, The Judgement of Paris actually happened. France was all embarrassed and hoped the whole thing would blow over, but _Times_ covered it, and America loves bragging, so at the time, no such luck. However, the judges were mostly French, and since we can't have multiple France's in the same room, I added the other countries in. There was an American and English judge though. Sorry about the intro into the contest. It's pretty weak, I know. Have a nice day/night!**


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